In life we think that we can convince or influence others by talking about intellectual things or reasons. I learned long time ago this was a lie.

You only help someone to change and grow when they feel heard and understood. I spoke before about The 7 Habits of Highly effective people. “Seek first to understand, and then be understood.” You have to repeat back what the other person is saying and verify that you understand their point, and only then do you have a chance to explore the topic.

We use our hearts and minds for the wrong things too often. We try to use our mind to change someones heart. That doesn’t work. You have to inspire another heart to change by your own emotional reality and being open and vulnerable when it can lead to growth.

It is not our job to change people, and it is not our responsibility to shape others growth. All we can do is to share those experiences in our own lives that may be helpful to others when others are ready to hear it.

It takes emotional sensitivity and awareness to know when opening up to someone is a good idea. It has been my experience that when you share who you are first it gives others the confidence to also share who they are. Often others may not appreciate or want that connection. That is fine. Life is about balance and giving and taking.

To speak to someone’s heart you just need to be willing to not be the smartest person and laugh at your own mistakes. Trust me we all have plenty of things we do that are silly and laughable.