Two things in life can be a tragedy. Changing and not changing.
Why is changing a tragedy? Aren’t we supposed to change as we grow and things change? Surprisingly sometimes the answer is no. As I have realized in life there are times when people’s instincts are correct, and new information doesn’t change those correct instincts.
For example, growing up I met many people who didn’t have good boundaries. They tried to pull me into their sick understanding of relationships, and even though I was young I just knew that wasn’t correct. I couldn’t explain it, I didn’t have any advanced understanding, but my gut knew that if I did, I would regret it. I later shared with a doctor that experience because it was relevant to an issue I had, and the doctor said that I had good boundaries. This isn’t to brag, but rather to state that sometimes we do the helpful thing even when we don’t understand it fully.
Another example is that some people seem to be born with a loving and giving nature. They are beautiful people inside and they don’t need to change. They aren’t perfect of course, no one is. However fundamentally they are ok, and that won’t change unless they mistakingly believe that they need to change for someone who is unhealthy and wrong. This is the tragedy. When a good person changes to a bad person to satisfy a bad person’s requirements.
I have seen on social media that many people want to change others and bring them down to their level. They want them to be as broken and hurt as they are. How sad. Relationships can be a tool to heal and grow, but most adults I have met think they are just a stepping stone to their next financial payout. Sadly, most people see others not in terms of who they are, but what they can do for them.
Now of course people who are broken and hurt need to change. However often they die holding the belief they are right. How tragic and sad for those who love them. Are you the hurt person who refuses to change or the beautiful person inside who doesn’t need to?