I don’t make a habit of swearing, but according to research if you hurt yourself you should swear. It turns out that swearing when you are in pain decreases pain.
We have a really strange morality in the United States. Due to the Puritans, we think that nudity and language are somehow more morally concerning than violence. I don’t like violence and I understand why this was an easy answer in the past. We still see bullies in positions of power which shows the childish understanding that the US has of the role of violence.
We don’t have to think hard to see the violence in the words of others. I am not bothered by words but by what they inspire in the listener and speaker. I shared that I worked in a black company and black coworkers would say the N-word with other black coworkers. I shared that I confronted one person who I thought said that and he denied it. I let it go but it really bothered me the way that he used it. It wasn’t a playful thing but rather a negative connotation.
Vulgarity for itself is so boring. Lots of people use profanity because they don’t have a good argument. Those who do have an argument don’t help themselves if they are angry when they give the argument. The best and most effective speech is calm and measured and doesn’t distract from the message of its presentation.
When I see small-minded people using profanity I see their limited ability to connect with others. Many times what passes as anger is just frustration that others don’t have the same view. I think that the reason others have trouble understanding is that they don’t feel understood themselves. They say I am not going to listen to others until I am listened to. That’s why I listen to others. Then when someone feels understood, can you start to get them out of themselves to listen to you.
Listening isn’t just a tool for controlling others, it is a tool for helping someone gain control of themself.