One of the most wonderful things that benefited me was that I often had someone who kept me accountable.
Why is this important? Without it, we tend to repeat lessons until we learn them. A mentor or friend keeps you accountable for what you say and do and they help you learn the lessons in your life faster.
What does it matter the speed at which we learn lessons? It matters and it doesn’t. It doesn’t matter if you learn the lessons in your life because you are the one who will suffer for your ignorance. An example here. I was watching a court case yesterday and the woman in court claimed another woman injured her. The problem is that when the police were called their report said she and the other woman admitted to using drugs, and when she went to the hospital to address the injury the doctor said she was on drugs as well and her statement would not be reliable. The sad thing is that the injury had victimized this woman, and then she victimized herself with her drug use and not being able to address the cause of the injury.
It is sad to see people who haven’t learned lessons in life. In one job I worked with someone who was older than me and he hadn’t learned the lesson of self-forgiveness and pleasure doesn’t equal happiness. He was much older than me and so unhappy. I worked with him closely but he wasn’t open to feedback from me. He once said I was kind and it was because I realized the kind of beliefs he had, and that he hadn’t learned they don’t help him. So people unceasingly cause themselves pain until they are willing to face the truth of their life.
Now if that man had a friend like me then he would have been open to the very helpful feedback I could have given him. I am no one’s therapist, but honestly, you can’t talk to certain people without instantly knowing what is wrong with them. I know because I once was stuck in that belief myself that others have that hurt them. I learned to make peace with it and move on to beliefs that helped me and others.
You can bring this up with a friend by saying something like “Hey I know I can do things that don’t help me sometimes. How about we make a deal? You tell me how I can help you, and you can help me by calling me on my BS.” A real friend would accept that and if they don’t, that is ok and perhaps a therapist is in order. However, if you do have a friend or mentor, it is the difference between fooling yourself and moving your life in a direction of peace and happiness. What do you want in life?