One of the things that you learn in life is that when people like you, they help you.
As a consultant I often run into people that I work with that don’t want to cooperate and be part of a team. Thats fine. There are always people who do want to be part of a team. All you can do is ask, and if people don’t want to cooperate that is on them and if anyone asks I say I asked but they didn’t respond. I don’t have to do anything when people don’t want to help. It’s their choice.
Now in my personal life, I once thought that I could charm and win over people. This was a mistake. Sure you can eventually, but you lose something of yourself. You can’t be all things to all people, so I stopped trying long ago. If someone wants to help me help them, that is the person that I focus my attention on.
People can like you and not help you. People don’t have to help you do anything. You aren’t owed anything in life. It is a bonus when people contribute to what you do, and even when you manage people they decide what they want to give and you have no control over it.
Now many managers will read this and disagree. They will say that they get greater work/output from people than before they were managed by them. Yes, and that employee is also decreasing the time they spend with your company. Everything in life is a trade-off. When you work people like slaves, they leave and go to other jobs. Then you get to use people and spit them out and be known as a terrible place to work.
I want to help people that I like and even people I don’t like because it feels good to make things happen. I am curious and I want to know what will happen if I do X. Sometimes my curiosity helps me, and sometimes it doesn’t. Still, I don’t want to live life with regrets, so I do it all even if I should have more wisely considered my actions first. This is what I am learning in life. The balance between action and inaction. I tend to favor action, but I think as I get older inaction seems to sometimes be the wiser course of action.