It has always surprised me how often people say they want connection, but their actions show they fear it.
I watch lots of random YouTube videos and mixed among them are videos from people who talk about relationships. I am not an expert on anything, and I have no dog in this fight.
What I do see however is that the trauma that people have had in their past, and their poor decision making contributes to their lack of a relationship. Not everyone needs to be in a relationship nor should they. I have an asexual friend who has no interest in that. That’s fine and normal.
However for most non asexual people, they really struggle with relationships. It takes courage to open your heart, and to be humble and to admit you are wrong. I see ego being the biggest problem people have in relationships. They need to be right, or think of themselves as the “good” one that they make up stories to justify their life.
I think this is why people think they are the victim, or choose people who will victimize them. I know that in my past I didn’t always choose the healthiest people and that is on me. I had some issues that I have since addressed. We show people how they should treat us. We teach them in fact.
Too often people look at someone else and instead of giving them a chance, and being honest they aren’t honest with themselves. They feel something but can’t admit it to themselves and to the other person. Too many times we don’t live our best life, because we can’t admit the truth to ourselves.
For example, in the past there were people who I felt liked me and would be open to a relationship. When I felt that considered it for a moment. However I was scared that it would interfere with my plans for a career and they might see my faults. The truth is that that person had been with me 8 hours a day for years in school and knew me pretty well. It is likely that she already was aware of my faults. I couldn’t accept her feelings, and that was on me, not on her.
I am not pining for a past possibility here. I am simply sharing that I felt this first hand and that why I am sharing this. I love the timeline that I am on, and while it may have been a different life had I choose that path, I regret nothing about my past. I had to make those choices to be whom I am now, and I am content with who I am. I am not perfect, but no one needs to be perfect. We are loved by others because of our imperfections, not our ego and its ideas.