Don’t try to figure out other peoples motivations

Therapy Comic
Therapy Comic
therapy comic

One of the fundamental errors in Psychology says this: “Other people act the way they are because of their personality, but we act because of the situation/environment.” This is inherently unfair.

What has helped me be happy in life is not to worry about what others’ motivations are. If they have good motivations and hurt people, what does it matter? If they have bad motivations and help people, what does it matter? I don’t think of things in terms of good/bad anymore. I think in terms of helpful and unhelpful.

Let’s be practical. Would you rather have a friend who says they will help you, or one that does? This is easy. Now as an adult things get more complex. What about a friend who has good intentions about you and tries to help you? However, what do they do ends up hurting you because they didn’t communicate with you? Now is the time for our thinking caps.

I said before that good intentions aren’t enough. The bottom line is people’s behavior towards us. How do they treat us? If they don’t treat us with respect and love, then we have to let them go no matter what they may have done or said.

People are very good at seeing what they want to see. They defend themselves when they know that it is an excuse. You aren’t their therapist. You can see through their BS but you don’t need to help them understand it. People will learn the lessons when they are ready and not a second before. Pressuring people to grow doesn’t work. People want to hurt themselves and make poor choices. This is the mystery of human behavior. You don’t need to spend your time/energy figuring them out. They will share when they are ready, and some people die never wanting to grow in their lives.

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We can love and care for others, but only as far as they allow us and care for themselves. That is the tragedy of life. As a community, we can grow, only as far as other people are willing to admit they don’t know it all. I don’t know anything, and I am always ready to grow.