We act in life like saying no will make us miss out on something. The truth is that saying no saves us from all kinds of grief.

I repeatedly have to say no to recruiters who don’t listen to what I tell them. I am happy to talk with recruiters, but when I say no I mean it. No salary, nothing will make me change my mind.

Relationships as well I have had to say no to. Not because we weren’t compatible, but because I didn’t see a future with it. There were many people I loved, but when I imagined the future with them I didn’t see myself being happy for the rest of my life.

I am not something who is picky and selfish and constantly needs attention. I know that I have my weaknesses, but I also know that I like to grow and change and people who don’t grow and change just won’t adapt and be interesting.

In life, we need to let ourselves be free from the expectation that emotions or thoughts control reality. We don’t control reality, and we don’t control what happens to us.

For example, many people feel that having a full-time position will give them a more secure financial future. Not true. Many people let go from jobs that had employed them for decades and now they have a less secure financial future. They are so used to doing things in one way, that they don’t know how other companies do things. They may not have the desire to learn new things, and they certainly have built up a routine that makes it harder to change. Everything in life that seems an advantage is also a disadvantage.

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We only see the barest and more shallow of things. We are little more than monkeys looking at the shadows of a fire. We can’t project the future, we can’t heal the past. Most of us are caught up in the drama of the moment, and never feel the joy and peace that can exist in life. Say no to things that you know won’t make you happy, and give yourself time to find something that does make you happy.