Most people blame other people for how they feel.
They are wrong. How you feel is entirely up to you.
Now I can hear many people saying, when others do stupid things or hurt me they are responsible for their actions. Yes, they are responsible for their actions but not responsible for your feelings.
If we could transfer responsibility by blaming others for how we feel, we miss the biggest opportunity to grow in life. Let me give you an example.
Yesterday I shared how I was told that I would be perfect for a job that was already given to someone else. I could have felt angry or any number of things about how unfair life is. I didn’t. I accepted that things didn’t work out for me and was grateful for the compliment he gave me.
We always have the choice in how we react to what others say/do to us. I learned at an early age that anger didn’t help me. Of course I was still angry. Being emotionally intelligent doesn’t make you an unfeeling robot. It just means that you have to deal with the reasons for that anger.
What anger teaches you is that if it justified that something has to change in your life. If others don’t want to change, then you have to change. If you don’t get the result you want, then you have to either accept your reality or change it.
Too often people complain about their reality but never change it. To me, if you complain and don’t change, you aren’t someone I am going to take seriously. Sure I will sympathize with you perhaps the first time, but once I see a pattern, that will stop. I will not be codependent with someone else.
Ultimately we have to accept everything that we think and feel is us. If we blame others for how we feel we see ourselves as controlled by outside forces. Yes outside forces do influence us, but ultimately we control our behavior. That is what makes us adults. If you are an adult, and you don’t feel you control your behavior you need therapy or to be locked up. Self-control is the foundation of character and being a useful citizen to the world and to love our fellow human being.
Stop making other people the fall guy for your lack of self-control and accountability.