Life is stressful. We don’t always realize the stress we are under until we take it out on those who are close to us. That is unfair and unhelpful.
Healthy relationships recognize how they contribute to the problem. They take a step back and apologize to the person that they care about, not only because they were wrong for hurting them, but also wrong for not understanding how they were hurting them.
Let’s give an example to make this more clear. In one consulting job, I was asked to attend a meeting with an outside vendor to do the same task that I was doing. Naturally, I wondered if this was a sign that they weren’t happy with me, or if they didn’t trust my work. It turns out that they were thrilled with what I was doing, and a well-intentioned coworker thought that his contacts could help the project along. In the meeting, the vendor said we were doing everything correctly, and that the problems we were having were normal and other people were having the same issues. I even spoke up in the meeting sharing how we were implementing new policies based on newer features and that we were making progress.
After the meeting, my coworkers said that they recognized that would hurt my feelings and that the meeting was unnecessary. I thought I had forgiven them, but later in the day, I raised my voice at someone that I care about. I didn’t fully recognize that forgiving the person didn’t fully let go of the stress of being in an unnecessary meeting that directly questioned my ability. Later that day I worked with the person who called the meeting to work on the issues that I had been working on, and the test was successful. So he saw my value that same day in a new policy/process that worked wonderfully and could be a great solution to a problem they were facing.
Don’t expect to be respected by everyone when you are at work. When people don’t respect you or do things that feel disrespectful, try to forgive them and then ask yourself if there is anything else about the situation that could bother you. Or if you find yourself thinking about it later, ask yourself why you are thinking about it. Is there something more you don’t want to admit to yourself?
Many times people will try to find fault with what you do. It’s okay when people doubt you, sometimes we are wrong and need to consider other’s input. Ultimately we must feel good about what we do, and if we don’t, then understand the reason why.