It has been a hard road to understand, but we need to keep our depth and heart and not become overwhelmed with work.
Why do I say this? As an HSP it is a struggle for me to not care too much about work. It is not that it is my identity, it is that it is a way to improve the world and I want to do what I can to improve things.
Yet I find myself making mistakes in how I view work. For example, these are some ideas I used to have and then realized my mistaken thinking.
(From ChatGPT)
| What It Looks Like | What It Actually Is |
|---|---|
| Overthinking after every meeting | Sensitivity to impact + fear of disappointing others |
| Working beyond your energy limits | Trying to prove worth or avoid criticism |
| Constantly checking messages or deliverables | Seeking reassurance or control in uncertain environments |
| Taking setbacks personally | Tying identity to performance |
| Feeling crushed by minor feedback | Deep emotional investment in being valuable and respected |
Human again. So its clear that work becomes unhealthy when it undermines your self trust. (Am I good enough?) When you are done with work but you can’t recover because you are still thinking about work. When external reactions start to make up your worth like how others say/act around you. When you feel guilty or anxious when you aren’t working or fixing.
Now add the pressure of a challenging work market, or financial pressure and it can lead you down a path that doesn’t help you. This is where self-compassion comes in. Im naturally curious so I don’t have to worry about that. That is automatic. Boundaries are more difficult.
One boundary is that you are paid for the work you do. To be perfectly honest, as a consultant I am not paid for all of the work that I do. Part of it is that often to preserve the relationship with the MSP/recruiter I have to produce work even when the timeframe isn’t adequate for what they are asking. This is frustrating but it is part of being a consultant.
As a full-time employee there were frustrations and work that wasn’t paid for as well. In some positions I was paid hourly and often they would ask me to work beyond those hours. I would do it because I was young and dumb, but as I got older I started to value myself more and stopped working beyond what I was paid to do.
We all have to find a balance between what respects what we know and what the reality of the marketplace is. I have been fortunate. Most of the time I have found companies that valued and complimented how I could help them. That is always a great feeling when you feel valued for what you do.
Still you have to say no even when it isn’t easy, if you want to not burn out and be a long term resource to yourself and others.