One of the problems of being kind is that you often give people chances that they don’t deserve.
Yesterday was an example of this. I had an interview scheduled in the afternoon and the recruiter helpfully offered to meet with me to prep me. Now normally 98% of recruiters don’t do this. It is rare that they do, and if they want to do this I indulge them. In this case this is when my first red flag was shared. That the client wants me to have video on and they will have it off.
Now normally I don’t care about if video is on or off. I have worked in companies where everyone video is on, and mine is on. Or I have worked with companies who have video off, and mine is off. Whatever is the expectation I will do. However in this case, it was an obvious power move to test how disrespectful they could be.
I was doubly sure of this when her supervisor called me and said that there are strong personalities in the company. I was direct with her and said that it is a nice way to say they are not professional and have people skills. I said I would do the interview but I would have a conversation first.
When the interview time came I didn’t share my video and they didn’t share theirs. I asked if it would be helpful for us both to share our video or do an audio call instead and they said it wasn’t an option. I thanked them for their time and hung up.
I called the recruiter back and told her what had happened. She said that she had given me an opportunity to cancel the call. I said that I had given them the opportunity to be respectful, professional and to treat me like an adult. If your first communication with someone is to try to be disrespectful, I don’t need that.
So the lesson here is that when I saw the first red flag of her asking to have my video on and theirs was off, I should have said “Thank you but that doesn’t work for me.” My doctor once said that we train people on how they should treat us. I am not training anyone to be disrespectful.