One thing I have learned in life about unsolicited advice-Don’t do it.
I see each day people giving unsolicited advice to others. I think what a waste of time and effort this is. Here is why you shouldn’t give unsolicited advice.
- People don’t listen until they are ready to listen. People don’t listen until there is a change in their life. People don’t grow until their current way to live doesn’t work anymore. You can’t help anyone until they want to be helped, otherwise you are just arrogantly wasting your time.
- You are not perceived as an expert even if you are. All the time people ask lawyers, doctors for free advice. Then they ignore that advice. People don’t seem to value advice when it is free. When you charge them for it, it seems more trustworthy. There are studies that show that the perception of value depends on your price.
- You sound arrogant and usually you have misunderstood the situation. No matter how humble and in good intentions you have, you can’t fully understand the reality of the situation. Life is more nuanced that people understand or believe. Reality resists simple black and white solutions.
- The listener isn’t in a space to listen. Even if they are emotionally ready to hear it, they may be tired or not interested to hear it now. So you wait until the right time to hear the message. Some people are never ready to have meaningful conversations and that is sad, but that is ok. Some people will never get past their own ego and be able to be open and listen to others.
- Your advice is more because you want to give it, then the listener needs it. I have noticed that many people who give others advice is because they want to say it. They don’t really consider the other persons point of view. So in this sense, they are using the other person as a tool/puppet in their own drama of what they wish the world is. Rather than speak to others, listening shows you care.
You can say anything you want to others, but when you give unsolicited advice you will often find that people will no longer want to listen to you.