Looks like by unchecking itunes sync music and then resyncing the whole library again it worked. It took a lot longer to sync this time then the initial sync during the install of iOS5. So I’m guessing the files weren’t really on the phone or were in the process of being transferred since i have 969 songs..
I had a corrupt iTunes library file. Go to Music/iTunes and rename “iTunes Library.itl” and restart iTunes. If your crashing stops, then the library index file was the issue. All your media is still there in the Music/iTunes/iTunes Media folder. You can drag-n-drop that folder back onto iTunes and it will rebuild the index. You may have to redo your iTunes preferences and reload your iOS devices, but that solved the problem for me.