Tag: Fun

Love is surprising

Love is surprising isn’t it? Don’t you wonder what we would do without it?

Love isn’t equal. Many times the degree that we love someone else is more or less than the amount they love us. When this happens for many people it is uncomfortable. I have had gfs tell me that they don’t want to care about me more than I care about them. I have never had that idea.

The idea of measuring love out and only giving to someone else what they give to you reduces love to a business arrangement. If I give love in this amount, then I should be loved in this amount. We don’t say that the love a parent has to a baby should be limited, so why limit in other aspects?

People who limit their love to someone else ration something that shouldn’t be rationed. People are either worthy of love or they are not. When I have loved someone, I have given them all of my patience, time and energy that I could. If I could not measure up to their needs, then I let them go to find someone who could give them what they needed. Love doesn’t demand to be loved. Love allows someone to find someone who will love them in the way they most feel loved.

Love isn’t fair. In our society of equality and justice, we think that love should be fair. Of course all relationships should be built on trust and mutual respect, but fundamentally love isn’t fair.

We can’t demand love to be fair and do what we want it to do. When we start demanding from someone else, we are judging them and taking a position that is not ours to take. An example will make this more clear.

In a relationship one of the partners may be more financially stable than the other. The one who is more financially stable may pay more often, because they care about their partner. It doesn’t mean anything other than a gift. It doesn’t mean that the other partner loves them less, or they are a gold digger. It often is unfair that men make more money than women, so they tend to pay in most relationships.

The fact is, that being a man or a woman comes with certain advantages and disadvantages and arguing about what is fair is pointless. We can’t change how the world works, and I can’t blame women for using their advantages or for men for using theirs. As adults we are able to handle the give and take of relationships and we don’t need mommy and daddy to make the world fair for us to love.

I think we abuse love when we try to make it about filling our needs rather than being what it is and enjoying the opportunities for intimacy and relationship it provides.

Love isn’t blind, but it isn’t a judge either.

Falling in love and choosing to love

It just occurred to me there is a big difference between falling in love and choosing to love.

When I have fallen in love with someone it was a surprise to me. For example, one woman that I fell in love with I only realized when I was leaving her. I felt scared and sad to leave her and I didn’t understand why. Then it hit me that I must love her. I told her that I loved her, and that I would find a way for us to be together. We reunited 2 months later.

When I have chosen to love someone, it was a decision on my part. I weighted the pros and cons of a relationship with them. It seemed to me that my life would be richer and more intense with them in it. I had a wise teacher once say that a relationship made life more intense. It made the highs higher and the lows lower. I agree. A relationship has been worthwhile even though it is a great deal of work.

Which is the most important thing I want to discuss here. When you are in a relationship it is hard work. If you listen and are open to another person you can learn a great deal and grow. As important as growing is, you can also have a great deal of fun and enjoyment. Many relationships have been so wonderful and opened doors to me that knowing some people is a privilege and honor.

In life people often brag about the limited goods they might own. They might say “Oh yes, I have the only Rembrandt painting” or the use of a limited production car. Sure those things are impressive. However even more impressive is knowing someone who brings you joy each day. Someone who sets the tone each day and makes it better just by being in it.

Someone you call a friend, and who you want to always be there. Falling in love or choosing it doesn’t matter, as long as you have love in your life.

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