Tag: example

Love is surprising

Love is surprising isn’t it? Don’t you wonder what we would do without it?

Love isn’t equal.¬†Many times the degree that we love someone else is more or less than the amount they love us. When this happens for many people it is uncomfortable. I have had gfs tell me that they don’t want to care about me more than I care about them. I have never had that idea.

The idea of measuring love out and only giving to someone else what they give to you reduces love to a business arrangement. If I give love in this amount, then I should be loved in this amount. We don’t say that the love a parent has to a baby should be limited, so why limit in other aspects?

People who limit their love to someone else ration something that shouldn’t be rationed. People are either worthy of love or they are not. When I have loved someone, I have given them all of my patience, time and energy that I could. If I could not measure up to their needs, then I let them go to find someone who could give them what they needed. Love doesn’t demand to be loved. Love allows someone to find someone who will love them in the way they most feel loved.

Love isn’t fair. In our society of equality and justice, we think that love should be fair. Of course all relationships¬†should be built on trust and mutual respect, but fundamentally love isn’t fair.

We can’t demand love to be fair and do what we want it to do. When we start demanding from someone else, we are judging them and taking a position that is not ours to take. An example will make this more clear.

In a relationship one of the partners may be more financially stable than the other. The one who is more financially stable may pay more often, because they care about their partner. It doesn’t mean anything other than a gift. It doesn’t mean that the other partner loves them less, or they are a gold digger. It often is unfair that men make more money than women, so they tend to pay in most relationships.

The fact is, that being a man or a woman comes with certain advantages and disadvantages and arguing about what is fair is pointless. We can’t change how the world works, and I can’t blame women for using their advantages or for men for using theirs. As adults we are able to handle the give and take of relationships and we don’t need mommy and daddy to make the world fair for us to love.

I think we abuse love when we try to make it about filling our needs rather than being what it is and enjoying the opportunities for intimacy and relationship it provides.

Love isn’t blind, but it isn’t a judge either.

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Stories from my Past: Wearing someone down

I often wonder if change happens more because we wear someone down, than convince them of the truth of the argument.

I was in charge of upgrading peoples software at a company and it was easier to go around for the small number of people and manually install it. So one person I had problems with. He didn’t want to do it, and I just continued to return throughout the week asking for a good time to install it. He shot me down, over and over again. I kept asking. Eventually on Friday afternoon he let me do it, and I was thrilled to get him done.

I know that he just wanted me to stop showing up more than the benefit of the new software. Some people don’t care about new software which is fine, but when everyone has the same version of software it makes things easier in companies. So even though he might not find value in the new version, other people would in sharing information with him so he had to be upgraded.

What is interesting is how often people who hate change, grow to love the change. I told him that it would be faster and some people said it was easier to use. Of course he will be slower at first, but in time he will be faster. Its ok if a short term slowdown causes a long term benefit.

To me, new software is just part of life. It is just part of the cycle of the progress of technology. It seems crazy to me not to want new software, just like not wanting new technology. New things tend to be improved, and often you find easier ways of doing things.

For example, the Office 2016 software he got has a better way to share files with people with OneDrive. I am not crazy about OneDrive, but for people who have never used online file sharing, it is a good first step. I have suggested other and better things, but you have to start somewhere with people.

Wearing someone down can create progress, just do it respectfully and at their own pace.

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