Tagged: dating

Study: Online Dating Makes People “Unrealistic”

 

NEW YORK, NY - JUNE 06:  Rep. Anthony Weiner (...
Image by Getty Images via @daylife

Study: Online Dating Makes People \. This is an interesting meta-analysis of over 400 studies. I have seen this as true with my experience of dating sites. It is especially funny that the pickiest people tend to be the most undesirable and average.

Share

Stories of my past: I noticed you called

WASHINGTON, DC - JANUARY 28:  U.S. Attorney Ge...
Image by Getty Images via @daylife

I had a surprising phone call once from a woman who I had briefly meet while dating. I hadn’t talked to her for more than six months, and out of the blue she calls me. She explains to me “I noticed you had called me a few times” and said other things. I had clearly not called her several times, because I don’t push myself on anyone. If they aren’t interested, I just let them go.

I am sharing this now because it is surprising how often people feel that they can lie to you and you won’t care. I do care about the truth, especially in relationships. I don’t think that you can tell the truth all of the time, because there are things that people do not have the right or need to know. For example, if I had a medical problem my friends don’t need to know the full extent of it. I think that we should only share as much as we feel other people can accept and deal with. Anything more is kind of pushing them to adopt our values.

What do you think?

Share

Things I’m not sure you should say: Fixer upper

Original Description: Dagestani types. Man and...
Image via Wikipedia

Sometimes you really don’t know what to do when someone says something crazy, so you just try to ignore it. Sometimes it is hard to forgive thoughtless statements. Here is something that I heard two people in a relationship say in a coffee place. I don’t try to listen, people talk very loud when talking about personal things too often.

The Man: “So what do you think of seeing each other on a more serious basis?”

The Female: “I don’t know. I don’t think that I am in the place in my life for a serious relationship right now.”

The Man: “Well you have potential. I have looked at homes lately and some of them are broken down and need work. You can be my fixer upper girlfriend.”

The Female: (Stunned and doesn’t know what to say)

I got up and left. I don’t need to hear any more.

Share

Top 10 Green Flags that show a good relationship

A bit ago I wrote an article called Top 10 Mistakes Individuals do in Dating. I was talking with a friend and thought that there might also be “Green” flags that are the opposite of “Red Flags” in relationships.  So these are signs that you are with a healthy, nurturing and compatible person.

  1. Conversation flows naturally. When you talk to someone and it seems that nothing you talk about is uninteresting to the other person, that’s an amazing experience.  Sometimes you might toss out a random comment, but it is very meaningful and important to the other person and they tell you.  It might also be that an obscure fact that you share is something they also have in common.
  2. You like being in their presence. It doesn’t really matter what you do or talk about, just being in their presence makes you happy.  They aren’t perfect and neither are you, but you find yourself to enjoy life more when they are around.
  3. They encourage you to talk and listen. They want to know as much about you as you want to know about them.  It doesn’t matter who talks because you both are hungry to learn about each other.
  4. They are honest with their faults and realistic about yours. They admit when they make a mistake and go overboard.  They take ownership of their issues, and accept that you may have some of your own.  My rule of thumb is never to date anyone crazier than me.  If what they do doesn’t make sense to me or I can’t relate to it, they probably are crazier than me.
  5. They are interested in every aspect of who you are. They encourage you to share your physical, emotional and spiritual side without criticism.  Or if they don’t like it, they ask questions to better understand why you feel as you do and how you came to your beliefs and feelings.
  6. They allow you to make your own mistakes. This is a hard one and one that very few people can do.  We naturally want to save people we care about from pain.  Ultimately though we have to make mistakes and learn things the hard way unless we have the wisdom to seek advice and help.  They offer their help, but stand back like a parent and allow us to experiences some scrapes and burns in learning to ride the bike of life.  They trust in our ability to adapt to the situation and to get the experience we need out of it.
  7. They are kind and respectful with an “unconditional positive regard“. No matter how they might have been hurt by your behavior in the past by others or them self, they can disengage emotionally from their past to accept you.  They always want what is best for your life and growth and happiness.  They encourage you to forgive your mistakes and they help you grow to love the beauty that is inside of you.
  8. They are willing to try new things and have an open mind. They admit that they don’t understand everything, and that there might be better ways than they believe to handle things.  They are open to learning from everything and everyone and don’t believe that even extensive education is enough.
  9. They contribute to charity or help their fellow-man in some way. It doesn’t have to be formal, but they have the impulse to share, to give and to be concerned about the welfare of others.  Rarely are generous people mentally ill.
  10. Their love towards humanity and everyone in it has no limits. Sure they might hate the guy who cuts in front of them in traffic, but generally they care about the welfare of others.  They would rather forgive a fault than seek revenge.  They seek peace and reconciliation rather than decisiveness and pain.
Share

Top 10 mistakes individuals do in dating

Top 10 Mistakes individuals do in Dating

  1. Don’t realistically accept limitations. If a guy is out of your neighborhood what are the chances you can see him often?
  2. Look for too much meaning in what he says. Often men will just say stuff to see what happens. We don’t mean everything we say.
  3. Think things are your fault. Don’t take personally whatever a guy does. It says everything about him and nothing about you.
  4. Judge too quickly. You may be a great judge of character in person but over email/phone/IM your don’t get the full picture. Wait to reject someone in person unless there is a red flag to reject sooner.
  5. Have unrealistic standards. If you are not finding guys that you feel are at your level, perhaps you are looking in the wrong place. Maybe you should focus on accepting others weakness more that aren’t red flag material.
  6. Red flags, you see them and ignore them. If a guy is disrespectful or unkind by accident thats not a problem. We all make mistakes socially. If he on purposely is unkind and disrespectful, clearly thats a problem.
  7. Don’t process the feelings from a breakup. Many women will break up with a guy and then practically start dating the next guy they meet. Give yourself some time to play the field and not feel anxious about the lack of companionship.
  8. Laugh at every joke. Not everything that a funny guy says is funny and sometimes you have to call him on it. Humor is fraught with danger of misunderstandings, so give someone the benefit of the doubt especially when you get to know him.
  9. Project yourself on others. Everything that you look for is within yourself. You can’t understand why other people behave as they do unless they share it with you. So ask people why they did something. Their reasoning may surprise you.
  10. Believe you are special. Everyone is unique, but not everyone is special. Only a few people seem to obtain or have qualities that don’t come easily for most of us. If you have to say you are special you probably aren’t. Let others call you special, but never repeat it. Ego is a turn off.
Share

Cupidtino, my first impressions (via Alone & Whatnot)

Important if you are looking for the significant other.

Cupidtino is a brand new online dating site designed exclusively for Mac fans. The name is a combination of Cupertino, the California city where Apple HQ is located, and Cupid, that dude with the wings and love arrows. The site just came out of beta and is open to the public. Go on Twitter and you'll discover differing opinions on Cupidtino. The critics throw out all the usual misguided opinions usually directed at those of us with the affinity f … Read More

via Alone & Whatnot

Share