Tag: danger

10 Benefits from being Angry

It occurred to me that often people hold onto behavior because it is helpful for them. So I started to think of all the ways that people benefit from being Angry and it seems like I should share it. Hope you enjoy.

  1. It doesn’t require listening. When people are angry with you they don’t listen. I don’t think this is just a consequence of their anger, but also a reason for it. People feel justified in not listening when they are angry, but what if they are using anger in order to not listen?
  2. It provides an excuse for immature behavior. When people are angry they are not getting what they want. So rather than just accept that the world doesn’t give them what they want, they throw a temper tantrum and then say “I had a right to be angry.” Yes, everyone has a right to be angry, but often anger is not helpful when you are a mature adult.
  3. It is easier to be angry then to solve the issue. I think another benefit people have from being angry is that they don’t have to solve the issue. Many times people would rather get angry about something, than look at themselves and consider what role they have in contributing to the situation. With anger we can place the blame “in the world” rather than in ourself.
  4. It distracts us from unpleasant truths. When we get angry at someone or ourselves, it often is to protect us from unpleasant truths. Do we get angry that someone cut us off in traffic, or rather our feelings of feeling vulnerable and unsafe? Rather than acknowledge our feelings, we steamroll over them and look to assign blame to someone else. Many times our anger prevents us from experiencing the reality of what is going on inside ourselves.
  5. It makes us feel “right” and justified in our worldview. So many times I have been yelled at because I did not conform to some one else’s view of the world. I try as much as possible not to judge and treat people like I believe they should act. Much of our anger is directed at how we believe the world should be. It should be “fair” and “justice” and many things. It is nice if the world was that way, but when it isn’t, we can work to improve things instead of being angry.
  6. We feel good in feeling mad. We feel good in feeling mad. This is not a crazy statement, but rather feeling angry is a socially acceptable way of expressing our frustration in the world. When we “vent” we feel like we will be happier. Often however, when we dwell on our anger we feel more unhappy and venting does not always abate and give opportunity to forgive. I am not going to tell you how to live your life, but just consider that forgiveness is a very powerful antidote to anger.
  7. We feel hurt in ways we can’t verbalize so we take it out on the person in our hearing. Many times I have been hurt by whoever wanted to kick me like a puppy. I did not do anything to justify their anger, but they felt safe in expressing anger to me because they knew I would not retailate. Many times people who are kind and loving towards others receive anger that we don’t deserve. We all have someone get angry with us randomly, and too often we do this to others.
  8. We look to anger to make us feel powerful. Strange that many people feel anger makes them powerful. It makes people not trust you, and pushes them away if they are healthy. Many people in abusive situations say anger is “love” and plenty of parents say that too. They say crap like “I wouldn’t be upset if I didn’t love you.” Bulls*. You can love someone and be patient and calm with them and help them to understand their mistakes.
  9. We think anger gives us carte blanche to express ourselves. Too often people think that anger means you can say whatever you want. Sure you can always say whatever you want, but it will damage a relationship. You can be honest and tell the truth as you see it, but your feelings are not reality. You may feel someone is disrespecting you, but that is only your perception of it, and may not be the case. Many times we assume things based on other peoples behavior and jump to conclusions. Rather than approach them in a spirit of understanding and sincere questioning, we come at them in anger. This is never a good way to solve problems with someone you love.
  10. We think what happens in anger can be forgiven. Yes, there are some really super people who can truly forgive others. They don’t hold it against you and they realize you were under stress. I rarely have meet these people. Most people tend to hold onto what you said and did in anger, and even if they forgive you, they add that knowledge to their opinion of you. I do not want to be known as someone who is an asshole in anger. You can be respectful and honest with your feelings and still not threaten or use anger in dangerous ways.

Finding a balance for sharing

Social media is helpful in many ways, but one of the dangers I think is the risk of oversharing. I think finding a balance for sharing is very important.

There are many reasons why oversharing is harmful both to the person sharing and those who read.

  1. You may be turned down for a loan. Banks and other financial organizations are looking at your social media account to learn about your personality. Why? One of the 3 C’s as we were told is character, and they want to see if not only you are responsible, but your friends are responsible. The theory is that if you have a friend who doesn’t pay a bill, you might be the same and the risk of lending to you in increased.
  2. There is no forget button. Whatever you share is forever on the Internet. It doesn’t matter if you delete the post, it will surely get archived and copied. You may feel good about something you share at the moment, but the future may have a different perspective on it. If you aren’t sure if you should share something, then don’t.
  3. Your words will come back to haunt you. I shared something once with the FCC when they sought public opinion on a decision they made. Ten years later when I googled my name it came to the top of the list. It wasn’t something that the FCC said they would share, but once I published it, it was out of my control. You should assume that anything you write on the Internet is public and part of the record forever.
  4. Your words can be used to harm others. You may write something with the intention of positive results, but as I said before positive intentions aren’t enough. There are tons of positive intentioned and ignorant people on the Internet. I try to write things that are supported by mainstream science, and not on any crazy fringe groups. However too often science discovers something new, and when that happens your advice is no longer accurate. So if you want to stand by your words, you need to constantly evaluate them with the new information that comes out daily and revise them when appropriate. Sadly 99% of people do not update their writing, so most information on the Internet is quickly outdated.

How do I manage these problems with what I write? I review things that I write everyday as part of the work of having this blog. I go through and try to delete articles that are no longer true or things that have a low interest by others. I always encourage the reader to challenge what I say, and the greatest compliment to me would be “I don’t agree with you, but it made me think.”

Everything in life has a balance, including sharing.