How to handle anger

How to handle anger. I’m no expert but this is what I have learned.

We are not angry at the person but at our own expectations. We believe that we should be treated in a certain manner, and when we are not, then we feel frustrated. The thing is that we may have never communicated that to another person, so how could they be aware of those expectations?

We get angry because we interpret how others treat us through our own experience. If Bob doesn’t pick me up when he promises too, then we feel that Bob doesn’t care about us.

What I have learned is that often what angers us most in others is what we have in ourselves. So for example I have a friend who is sometimes forgetful. That is a problem for me because I remember most things very well. When they forget things then I feel frustrated because their forgetfulness affects me now. An example. I was tired one day and my friend forgot something in my car he needed. So I had to drive back to him to drop it off to him. However to be honest, I sometimes forget things as well. So not only am I angry at him, I’m angry and reminded when I forget things as well.

We get angry because we feel that we give more to the other person than they give to us. Which is interesting because our perception of what we give them is different than their perception of what they receive from us. We know what we give up to be with them. I could go with Bob and have a nice dinner, or stay home and play video games or something else I enjoy. Bob knows that I have a choice, and when I choose to spend time with him then he should feel special.

We get angry because we feel frustrated and we don’t always have a good way to direct those feelings. I get frustrated when I drive more than 2 hours a day. My back starts to hurt and that affects my generally happy mood. I don’t like that, and so when I am asked to drive more than 2 hours a day I try to minimize that. Its not easy, but it really helps in my happiness.

I think we mostly get angry because we are being challenged in what is comfortable to us. Sometimes relationships are the most difficult because they challenge us at a deep level. It takes maturity and wisdom to know how much we can grow, and how much we can deal with at once. Sometimes we get overwhelmed and we have to be patient and kind to ourselves as we are challenged and changing.

Being angry is ok as long as it isn’t the only way we deal with life.

Apple Pay and using Grubhub

I have used Apple Pay on and off for years. It isn’t that I don’t like it, it is just that it doesn’t have a critical mass of retailers.

So why am I talking about it now? I wanted to use it for a purchase from the Apple Store. I put in the card it wasn’t accepted the first time. When I called my bank to verify it they said the information was wrong and I needed to call Fraud department. I spoke to the Fraud department today and they said that it was a fluke and easily let me set it up.

I was able to buy the app and everything was great. Well imagine my surprise when I go into the Grubhub app on the iPhone and it recognizes that I am using Apple pay. I put everything in my cart to checkout and it says that my address is missing. I put in my address and it says that I can use my passcode to buy this purchase. I was hoping for my fingerprint! Oh well, I put in my passcode and it said that the purchase was made.

Normally Apple says that with Apple Pay you use your fingerprint to purchase. I thought it was interesting that it didn’t use my fingerprint but rather the phone lock code. You know the same code you use to unlock your phone. Apple calls this a passcode. Anyway, it works but still odd.

To me, a higher level of security would be to always use the fingerprint by default unless it was broken. If it couldn’t get a reading, then ask for a passcode. I wonder why Grubhub felt a code was more secure than a fingerprint?

Another thing to note here is that Apple Pay apparently doesn’t let you have more than one card. When I added a second card it just deleted the first card that I had put in. Having multiple cards would be helpful. I will research this more and let you know what I find out.

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