Tag: art

Love is surprising

Love is surprising isn’t it? Don’t you wonder what we would do without it?

Love isn’t equal. Many times the degree that we love someone else is more or less than the amount they love us. When this happens for many people it is uncomfortable. I have had gfs tell me that they don’t want to care about me more than I care about them. I have never had that idea.

The idea of measuring love out and only giving to someone else what they give to you reduces love to a business arrangement. If I give love in this amount, then I should be loved in this amount. We don’t say that the love a parent has to a baby should be limited, so why limit in other aspects?

People who limit their love to someone else ration something that shouldn’t be rationed. People are either worthy of love or they are not. When I have loved someone, I have given them all of my patience, time and energy that I could. If I could not measure up to their needs, then I let them go to find someone who could give them what they needed. Love doesn’t demand to be loved. Love allows someone to find someone who will love them in the way they most feel loved.

Love isn’t fair. In our society of equality and justice, we think that love should be fair. Of course all relationships should be built on trust and mutual respect, but fundamentally love isn’t fair.

We can’t demand love to be fair and do what we want it to do. When we start demanding from someone else, we are judging them and taking a position that is not ours to take. An example will make this more clear.

In a relationship one of the partners may be more financially stable than the other. The one who is more financially stable may pay more often, because they care about their partner. It doesn’t mean anything other than a gift. It doesn’t mean that the other partner loves them less, or they are a gold digger. It often is unfair that men make more money than women, so they tend to pay in most relationships.

The fact is, that being a man or a woman comes with certain advantages and disadvantages and arguing about what is fair is pointless. We can’t change how the world works, and I can’t blame women for using their advantages or for men for using theirs. As adults we are able to handle the give and take of relationships and we don’t need mommy and daddy to make the world fair for us to love.

I think we abuse love when we try to make it about filling our needs rather than being what it is and enjoying the opportunities for intimacy and relationship it provides.

Love isn’t blind, but it isn’t a judge either.

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Finding a balance for sharing

Social media is helpful in many ways, but one of the dangers I think is the risk of oversharing. I think finding a balance for sharing is very important.

There are many reasons why oversharing is harmful both to the person sharing and those who read.

  1. You may be turned down for a loan. Banks and other financial organizations are looking at your social media account to learn about your personality. Why? One of the 3 C’s as we were told is character, and they want to see if not only you are responsible, but your friends are responsible. The theory is that if you have a friend who doesn’t pay a bill, you might be the same and the risk of lending to you in increased.
  2. There is no forget button. Whatever you share is forever on the Internet. It doesn’t matter if you delete the post, it will surely get archived and copied. You may feel good about something you share at the moment, but the future may have a different perspective on it. If you aren’t sure if you should share something, then don’t.
  3. Your words will come back to haunt you. I shared something once with the FCC when they sought public opinion on a decision they made. Ten years later when I googled my name it came to the top of the list. It wasn’t something that the FCC said they would share, but once I published it, it was out of my control. You should assume that anything you write on the Internet is public and part of the record forever.
  4. Your words can be used to harm others. You may write something with the intention of positive results, but as I said before positive intentions aren’t enough. There are tons of positive intentioned and ignorant people on the Internet. I try to write things that are supported by mainstream science, and not on any crazy fringe groups. However too often science discovers something new, and when that happens your advice is no longer accurate. So if you want to stand by your words, you need to constantly evaluate them with the new information that comes out daily and revise them when appropriate. Sadly 99% of people do not update their writing, so most information on the Internet is quickly outdated.

How do I manage these problems with what I write? I review things that I write everyday as part of the work of having this blog. I go through and try to delete articles that are no longer true or things that have a low interest by others. I always encourage the reader to challenge what I say, and the greatest compliment to me would be “I don’t agree with you, but it made me think.”

Everything in life has a balance, including sharing.

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