Stories from my Past: Why would I go out for hamburger? I have had some unique conversations with people. One of them was a former boss who owned a company. He traveled often and the subject came up if he ever was lonely when he was traveling. He told me “My wife is a steak. Why would I go out for hamburger when I have steak at home?” I laughed but have thought about it off and on as I became older.
It is curious isn’t it? When we have something like a relationship, we really don’t want to explore other options. Even though something might be better in some ways, it’s also worse in other ways. In that way a relationship is 95% enjoyed just by having one. Even a bad relationship seems to be preferred by people than not having one.
I sometimes wonder why people act so picky in what they want in their relationships, when their own history of relationships show people of dubious value. I think that most people have a fantasy of what the other person is like, and when someone else doesn’t fit into their fantasy then they reject them. Not because they understand and know who the other person is, but because they are not getting what they believe they deserve.
I am not advocating people do anything in a relationship. I am just noticing that often what people say they want, and what they do is quite different. I find it fascinating how little insight about their own behavior most people have. It has been the greatest thing in my life that I have understood myself, and by doing so, been happier.
It isn’t really other people who make us happy, but our own belief about ourselves that make us happy. So to love someone really means we listen and learn about them and honor them as themselves.